


but he's not a horndog

by bittersweetwhimsy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-03-18 03:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13673472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersweetwhimsy/pseuds/bittersweetwhimsy
Summary: At the age of 23, Soonyoung leads a pretty decent life. He managed to finish school, get a job right after graduation, and live pretty decently off on his alone. By societal standards, Soonyoung is doing great. But by his own standards he’s doing halfway shitty. He still hasn’t met his soulmate yet. Apparently high schoolers and drunk college students aren’t as big as a horndog as his imagination hoped. At the rate he’s currently going, Soonyoung is pretty sure he’ll never meet his soulmate.The soulmate au where Soonyoung is positive his soulmate is the horniest person for giving him this mark





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> rated teen purely because of the words that are Soonyoung's soulmate tattoo  
> Soonyoung refers to his online friend with both the online and real name

When he was little, Soonyoung admired his soulmate tattoo. It was all curvy and full of loops, written in the prettiest font he’s ever seen. He always believed a pretty font meant that his soulmate would be a pretty person. His best friend, Wonwoo would always say his head is too far in the clouds. (Soonyoung’s positive that Wonwoo is jealous since the latter’s tattoo is in a type writer font. A boring font for a no fun person.) Although it hasn’t slipped from his attention, that whenever adults would see his tattoo, their eyes would bulge and then be fake nice about it. When his class was learning to read, his mother made him promise to wear this super cool neon green sweatband to school. Soonyoung didn’t mind since the sweatband had cool swirly stars on it.

Soonyoung puffs his cheeks as big as they can possibly get by the time he returns to his locker.

“How was the principle visit?”

“Nothing new.” He swings open his locker door too hard, smacking himself in the head. “Fu-fudge.”

Wonwoo snickers, “Nice save.” He knocks the thick-headed skull, “Didn’t I tell you to wear make-up over it?”

“And I told you it wouldn’t work. It would sweat right off.” He elbows the other.

An irritating smirk, “That’s right, you’re a sweat monster.”

“Yah! You don’t need to point that out you jerk!” Soonyoung swats at his former best friend.

Wonwoo peers into the other’s locker, “You have Biology two homework that you’re not copying off me.”

“Traitor.” Soonyoung gasps. “C’mon! At least let me borrow your book.”

“Then you’ll be calling me for help saying you don’t know how to read.” Wonwoo pauses when he sees the mark that always gets the elder in trouble, “Do you think you’re ever going to meet your soulmate?”

“Of course!” Soonyoung slams his locker close. “We’re a bunch of horny teenagers Nonu. It’s not going to be hard to find them.”

 

At the age of 23, Soonyoung leads a pretty decent life. He managed to finish school, get a job right after graduation, and live pretty decently off on his alone. By societal standards, Soonyoung is doing great. But by his own standards he’s doing halfway shitty. He still hasn’t met his soulmate yet. Apparently high schoolers and drunk college students aren’t as big as a horndog as his imagination hoped. At the rate he’s currently going, Soonyoung is pretty sure he’ll never meet his soulmate. Just why on earth does his soulmate have to say that word three times?! (Wonwoo told him to accept his fate of his soulmate being his imagination. Soonyoung told him to eat pussy. The younger sighed and told him the diss would work better if he just said fish.) The current social positive of his life is having a wonderful online friend he can talk to, except that the friend is thirteen hours ahead of him.

He steps into his apartment. Beads of sweat drip onto his damp hoodie as he huffs up the stairs to the living area. Soonyoung strips off his hoodie as he turns on the heater. This way he can be nice and toasty after his shower.

His phone buzzes. Soonyoung swipes the lock screen upon checking the notification.

**jerryberry: hey! what’s up? ^-^**

**Hoshi-lite-emup: oh hey! i just finished running.**

**jerryberry: ooooh. look @ u getting that summer bod ready (** **・** **ω** **ｰ)** **～☆**

**Hoshi-lite-emup: haha. im trying to get back into shape. u no?**

**jerryberry:  I no? no no. u no.**

Soonyoung chuckles at the lame pun. Jerry hasn’t always been good at them, granted they’ve already gone over how English isn’t Jerry’s first language.

**Hoshi-lite-emup: that was worse than my i scream joke.**

**jerryberry: because screaming is a horrible flavor in ice cream. also you need better konglish jokes. my friend just told me ones better than you know (-** **∧-** **；)**

**Hoshi-lite-emup: theres a reason my screen name is hoshi and not byul.**

**jerryberry: …. BUT YOURE KOREAN AMERICAN SOONYOUNG**

**Hoshi-lite-emup: YOURE CHINESE JUNHUI. POTTLE MEET KET.**  
                              Fuck.  
                              laskdfjsakl. I MEANT KETTLE MEET POT

**jerryberry: time for you to hit the hay soon, Soon**

**Hoshi-lite-emup: that. was. horrible. Nightie night!**

**jerryberry: sleep tight!**

In Soonyoung’s opinion, Wonwoo seriously hit the jackpot with his soulmate. His soulmate is actually funny (unlike Wonwoo) and a decent human at heart (unlike Wonwoo). Seokmin’s personality was completely different from the font on Wonwoo’s leg (the only reason Wonwoo’s font was in typewriter style, was because his soulmate had been presenting a speech in their class and became so nervous that he recited his speech like a robot.). Seokmin cuddles with Soonyoung on the sofa, petting the latter’s head. Pints of ice cream litter the coffee table.

“All I want is to meet my soulmate. Life won’t even grant me that!” He shovels a large spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “Why can’t you be my soulmate Seokmin? We get along so well. WE’RE practically a married couple.” Soonyoung whines, clinging onto the younger man.

“Don’t steal my soulmate from me,” Wonwoo snatches the spoon from Soonyoung. “Or my ice cream.”

“But I introduced you two! I deserve to be a part of your relationship! Also Seokmin bought me this!” He holds up two pints.  Soonyoung turns to Seokmin with a serious expression, “Okay, we’re the cherries and Wonwoo can be the syrup. Since he puts a damper on our loving relationship.”

“Is it because I’m such a sweet friend?”

“No because you’re a wet blanket, therefore syrup.”

“Seokmin do you think I’m a wet blanket?”

“That’s a loaded potato, but no I don’t think you’re butter”

Wonwoo cocks a brow, “Butter isn’t heavy or wet.”

Soonyoung stops his retort on his lips upon his phone vibrating. It’s Jerry. He re-adjusts his posture to get in a more comfortable position.

Wonwoo and Seokmin are still tossing out baked potato toppings that they could be, when they notice their guest glued to his phone. “Soon! Hey Soonie! Earth to Mr. Stars-are-my-life!”

“Hmm?” Soonyoung looks up at the couple. “Hey! Glow in the dark stars are cool! Especially when you’re seven!”

They don’t miss the glee on his face when he returns to his phone. “Oooohhh. Who are you talking to?” Seokmin prods.

“A friend. Now scat.” Soonyoung attempts to shoo away the others from his phone.

“You’re a guest in our home! You scat.” Wonwoo throws a couch pillow. Seokmin joins in suite. Soonyoung does his best to ignore the raining pillows.

Soonyoung accuses the initiator, “I’m trying to be a decent being by responding to messages unlike someone.”

Wonwoo simply tosses another pillow, “I bet it’s his new online friend, Junhui.”

“Oh, the one that lives on the other side of the world?” Wonwoo nods. “Is he nice?”

“So far. He comes up with puns worse than the three of us combined sometimes.”

Seokmin mock gasps, “Impossible.”

“I’ll show you after Soonyoung decides to be a guest again.” They stare at the man currently curled over the pile of couch pillows, giggling. “Okay. Maybe now is fine, since he’s occupied.”

Soonyoung rolls over when he hears his phone fall off the bed. He picks it up noticing a message from Junhui. He blinks his eyes multiple time before it clicks in his brain. Soonyoung screeches at the message before responding.

**Jun jun jun:**

**OKAY SO WAIT AN ORGASM PARTY IS CALLED AN ORGY TRAIN?**

**Me:**

**WHAT BROUGHT THIS UP**

**ITS 10 AM RIGHT NOW**

**THAT WORD IS FORBIDDEN**

**Jun jun jun:**

**We were talking about threesomes and foursomes**

**But then I was curious when the number involved gets higher**

**Orgasm?**

**orgy?**

**Train?**

**Party?**

**Me:**

**YES. THAT ONE.**

**Jun jun jun:**

**Seriously? Party is forbidden? <.<**

**Me:**

**NO ThE One BEFORE TRAIN**

**Jun jun jun:**

**ORGY?**

**Me:**

**YES**

**DON’T TYPE IT OUT ANYMORE**

**Jun jun jun:**

**K**

 

There’s a ping coming from his phone. Soonyoung stares at his chat with Junhui. There’s a voice note. A voice note from Junhui. He clicks play.

The voice is soft and reminds him of a breeze on a spring day. The clip suddenly ends. Soonyoung panics and hits play again. This time he pays attention to the words… at least he tries to. But the giggles in between the words are very distracting. They’re childish but sweet as cotton candy. He clicks play a third time. The words finally register.

“Orgy. Orgy. Orgy.” The giggles increase in between the words, finally the clip ends with Junhui’s loud childlike laugh.

Soonyoung screeches. The phone slips from his hands. His fingers fumble with catching the darn piece of technology.  “WHY IS THAT THE FIRST THING I HEAR YOUR VOICE SAYING!” The voice clip sends. Soonyoung chews on his thumbnail awaiting the read sign to appear.

“YOU’RE MY SOULMATE?!” The phone vibrates with an incoming message. It’s picture of Junhui’s collarbone. Right beneath it are the scrawled words, Soonyoung had just yelled.

The last thing he sees is the ceiling of his room.

 

Something slaps him awake. “Ow! What the fuck!” He sits up, nearly headbutting Wonwoo, whom Seokmin manages to pull out of the way barely. “Wait! Why are you two here?”

“Junhui messaged me, saying you stopped responding after the discovery.” Seokmin helps his husband up.

“Wait…” The discovery- OH MY GOD THAT’S RIGHT. “Wonwoo! I’ve discovered my soulmate! It’s BEEN MY ONLINE FRIEND THIS WHOLE TIME. THE FUCKING SOULMATE RULE OF FIRST WORDS SPOKEN IS LITERALLY SPOKEN WORDS TO EACH OTHER. ITS FREAKING JUNHUI. BUT HE’S NOT A HORNDOG.”

“I told you that back in high school and again after you introduced me to Seokmin.” Wonwoo sighs. “You should tell him you’re conscious.”

“You’re right! Thanks, Wonwoo!” He pauses, “Wait how did you know my entry keycode?”

“Junhui.”

Hunched over his phone, Soonyoung screeches while texting. Seokmin whispers into Wonwoo’s ear, “I thought you had it memorized from all the times you come over?”

“I do. I thought this would be better.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the story of how seokmin and wonwoo met

“Oh my god I’m stuffed.” Soonyoung rolls on the floor.

“Being on the floor like that isn’t going to help your digestion Soonyoung.”

“I just need to stretch a bit okay. Why not tell stories as I stretch?”

Wonwoo retorts, “That kind of thing should stay in your bedroom.”

“How did the two of you meet? How did you discover each other?” Junhui’s expectant eyes soak in everything.

“Do you want to tell it?” Wonwoo looks over at his husband.

Seokmin shrugs, looking down at the floor. “You can if you would like.”

“I want to!” Soonyoung sits up.

“If I start where should I begin?” Wonwoo cocks his head ignoring the yell of ‘the beginning you weirdo’. “Maybe you should tell it.”

“Oh no.” Seokmin looks up and waves his hands, “I’d start from since I could read mine. You’re much better at doing this.”

“Nonsense. You’re much better at expressing everything that went down.”

“For the love of God, I will start telling it!”

“But I wanna hear it from them Soonyoungie.”

Soonyoung stares at his adorable husband and the idiot couple. His cheeks puff up, “Fine, but only because it’s you.” Junhui grins.

“Seokminnie can go first. Since I’m not sure how much Soonyoung has told you about our childhood.” He puts a warm hand on his shoulder.

 

 

“I’ll start from the beginning. Let’s see so when I was about six, my sister started reading the Harry Potter series. She would tell me tales of Harry and his friends with their adventures against he-who-must-not-be-named.

I loved hearing about them. I even got my parents to help me set up a little hideout similar to Harry’s room at the Durselys’ in my closet.

 

His sister closes the book after Harry receives the Marauder’s Map. “Noona, where’s your soulmate tattoo?”

“Seokkie that’s rude. It could be hidden somewhere that someone can show it off. Like in their no-no zones.” Saemin frowns. “Now hush. Or I will bring up scary things.”

“But Noona you can see mine!” He waves around his foot.

“Lee Seokmin. If you don’t be quiet, I’m telling Mom and Dad.”

 

 

He slams the front door before his sister can enter through, “Mom! Jaehyun got to go to Universal Studios over spring break! Can we go? We have to go! He said the Wizarding world is AMAZING!”

“Seokmin!”

“Oh crap. Hi bye Noona.” He runs to his bedroom with Saemin hot on his heels. He barely makes it, without slamming the door this time. Thank god for door locks. He can hear his sister sigh and walk away. He sits down and peels off his socks. Timmy had drawn on his toes again. He checks the rest of his foot for anymore artistic designs. The word nerd is scrawled next to his tattoo. He frowns. He doesn’t understand why someone wouldn’t be at all fascinated or in love with the universe of Harry Potter. He’s going to find out that punk and make him enjoy it.

 

 

“I’m Seokmin Lee. Umm you are?” He immediately wants to slam his head against the wall. Of course, this dude with the bright blonde hair with very distinct Eastern Asian features would be his roommate. It’s been a week since classes have started. He doesn’t need to worry if this dude is a delinquent. He’s in the states, not East Asia.

“I’m Soonyoung Kwon. A second year in economics. Also minoring in dance performance.” He sticks his hand out. “It’s nice to meet you. Wanna see something cool?”

 

“OH MY GOD NO! Seokmin don’t tell them!” Soonyoung tries to scramble over, except Junhui is holding him in his lap.

Junhui mutters “You really like whipping that in front of everyone don’t you?”

“Soonyoung, everyone here knows what you did next.” Wonwoo gives a pat for Seokmin to continue.

 

 

“Sure?” Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed so readily as he watches Soonyoung strip off the thick watch. His eyes bulge at his roommate’s wrist. “Holy … IS THAT REAL?!”

“Whoa man. Chill I’m right here.” Soonyoung puts his watch back on. “But yeah.”

“Sorry. Mom always said I have poor volume control.” He looks at the loopy font.

“I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find them this year.”

“Why do you think you’re going to find them this year?”

Soonyoung’s eyes glitter dangerously, “I’ve got connections to quite a few house parties this year.”

 

 

“Twenty years old me is SUCH A DUMBASS.” Soonyoung wails. “I’m having second hand whiplash embarrassment.”

“Welcome to what I dealt with through high school.” Wonwoo quips. “Does anyone have any beer preference?”

“I want maekgolli!” Junhui cheers.

“Soonyoung come with. I don’t know which brand we have at our store. Seokminnie?”

“Green tea powder?” 

“Certainly. We’re off.” He leans in to peck Seokmin’s nose.

“Disgusting. You two have been married for seven years. Be more considerate of others in this room!” Soonyoung wrinkles his nose. Junhui giggles.

“Don’t act like you guys haven’t done more than that in front of us.”

 

They wave off their bickering husbands.

“Okay then how did you meet Wonwoo?”

“It was Soonyoung’s idea.”

 

Soonyoung sits next to him with his plate of pasta nearly overflowing from noodles. “Are you still deciding on which class to take for your second writing course? I have a suggestion for you if it fits in your schedule. It’s the Delving into the Sci-fi and Fantasy Worlds.”

“What kind of class is that? Also how is that an actual class?”

“Hey if we have a chocolate tasting class why the hell would we not have that kind of class?” He takes a bite of his cheese and butter noodles.

“Point taken. I thought you had no interest in fantasy worlds so how do you know about this?”

“One of my friends said he was taking it next semester. I thought it sounded right up your alley with all those books that sit on our shelf.”

“Listen you’re barely a year older than me. How can you not have known anything about Harry Potter?”

“Oh no. Soonshine did you open up the can of worms again?” Christie sighs as she joins them.

“In my defense all I mentioned was a class that I thought he would like to take.”

“Soonshine you should’ve learned after the first time you brought it up.” She sighs, just thinking about it. “The whole hall could hear Seokmin screaming why you didn’t know there were more Weasleys besides Ron.” She throws back her head, laughing “But it was so great seeing everyone grilling you on basic Harry Potter knowledge. That was great. You didn’t even recognize Ed Sheeran in the corner of the Weasley family photo.”

“Those Patro-whatevers-.”

“Patronuses.”

“Yeah those are basically just happy thought ghosts that defend you from what are ghoul grim reapers essentially!”

“How dare you. You’ve insulted my entire line of descendants.” He steals the garlic bread off Soonyoung’s plate. “Now your child must bear the crime.”

“No! Anything but Crumbs!” Christie snorts at the name.

“Face your father’s crimes Crumbs!” He proceeds to take a bite as Soonyoung yells no dramatically into his pasta.

 

 

Junhui begins rolling on the floor, clutching his sides from laughing. “Soonyoung told me that he was poorly versed in Harry Potter but never this badly.”

“He couldn’t even name the second book.” Seokmin deadpans. “The only thing stopping us from dating each other was his lack of Harry Potter knowledge.”

“Yes, I’m sure that was the only thing.” Junhui wipes off his tears. “And not the fact he was excited about having a horny soulmate.”

 

“Soonyoung! Help me! I have a speech in class tomorrow!” Seokmin slams open their dorm door.

“If it’s stage fright, just imagine everyone in their underwear. Wait isn’t it only week two of the semester?”

“Yes! The teacher wants to know which kinds of genre inspired us as children! He said this was how he was handling class introductions.” Seokmin throws himself on his bed. “How am I supposed to talk in front of the class for one minute and a half?”

Soonyoung plops down next to him, “You love Harry Potter, right? I’m sure that will inspire you.”

“What are the names of the four houses?”

“Um... Hufflepuff, Ra-ravenclaw, uh…” Seokmin watches Soonyoung’s eyes flit around Seokmin’s side of the room. “Snakey and winged lion!”

Seokmin stares at the Hogwarts emblem corkboard Mingyu had made him, “There’s not even wings on the lion.”

“You know it would totaaally be better if he did.”

“Oh you totally do know the names!” Seokmin sits up, clapping in glee.

“What can I say, I had to learn them for my bestest friend.” Soonyoung goes in for a tight hug. “Go knock their socks off with your Harry Potter knowledge.”

 

Seokmin sighs. At least he didn’t pass out from embarrassment, stuttering through the first portion of his introduction. Well at least Soonyoung will be proud of him.

“Do you know how much I’ve suffered because of Harry Potter!” Seokmin looks up ending up face to face with a tall boy with intimidating eyes and aura.

Second thought, this person is most likely going to make him pass out. “E-excuse me?!” With such a scary but handsome face glaring at him, how could he not not squeal.

“You’re the reason I’ve had to relearn everything about that universe all because Soonyoung immediately needed coaching on it.” The boy frowns and sighs, his hand scratching his head, “I still don’t know whether to thank you or curse you.”

He meekly raises a hand, “Um… I need an explanation.”

“Soonyoung Kwon is your roommate, right?” He nods. “I’m Wonwoo Jeon, the friend who told Soonyoung about this class.”

 

 

“Amazing. All because of my husband.” Junhui giggles, “It would be like him to not actually introduce you two. Wait. Wonwoo introduced himself as Soonyoung’s friend?”

“At the time the two of them got into a big argument about which kinds of crackers are better over the holiday break, and it blew up that they forgot why they weren’t talking to each other.” Seokmin grins, “Of course I made them make up over some harry potter trivia night.”

The door to the garage opens, “He forgot to mention, that they’re both dumbos who didn’t realize they had met their soulmates that day.”

“Soonyoung it’s your fault I didn’t notice.” Wonwoo attempts to catch him. The latter dodges by skating on the hardwood floor. “I was exhausted of having to drill you on character names every weekend.”

“Hey! Remember that you offered to help me-oof!” He skates right into Seokmin’s arms.

“Accio Soonyoung! I caught him!”

“Tickle time?” Junhui’s fingers squirm ready for revenge.

“No. I have the alcohol! Uhm.. Aveda Canada!”

Seokmin’s grip loosens from laughing at the mispronounced spell, allowing Soonyoung to escape.

**Author's Note:**

> based on life events (i wish i was kidding)  
> lol siked myself and everyone when i thought i would put out a fic near valentines day.  
> don't worry. i'll post an actual fluff one tomorrow for valentines


End file.
